Sunday, December 07, 2008

Dear Santa,

The Christmas '08 Coupe Wish List:

  1. Pair of new M&H 8.00/8.50-14 Cheater Slicks

  2. Extra pair of new M&H 8.00/8.50-14 Cheater Slicks ( Hey, I said it was a wish list!)

  3. A NOS pair of Gates E78-14 (Can't really talk about Coupe tires without dusting that old chestnut off)

  4. To find a good chrome shop. You know, the kind that doesn't start every phone conversation with a 20 minute testimonial as to why they are the best chromer in the world, and then finish with another 20 minute dissertation explaining how shit happens and they can't be held responsible for any imperfections in their work.

  5. To find a good painter. Yo! It's half a car! Not the Sistine Chapel!

  6. A good upholsterer. (see numbers 4. & 5.)

  7. A large caliber, yet silent weapon to be used against anyone who looks at my car and says " You know... that's not how it is on the real Milner Coupe"

  8. A UFC style cage fight consisting of all the clone builders. The winner of this melee would be crowned 'King of the Doofuses', no wait, I mean 'King of the Coupe Builders'. And all would bow before him and not question my, no wait, I mean his version of the 'bitchinest car in the valley. (see number 7.)

  9. A peek in the trunk. Come on Figari , enough's enough. Give it up. You can't stay seventeen forever. Who do you think you are, 'King of the Doofuses', no wait, I mean 'King of the Coupe'?

  10. A 32" waist (did you see how close Ford put the back of the seat to the steering wheel?)

I never got that pony as a kid. And Heather Locklear never showed up at my door. But there's always next year. And to tell you the truth, I haven't been all that good and may actually enjoy being on the naughty list. So... Auwe Santa! I'll get it myself.

'da Hui no ka oi

I'm A Man - Bo Diddley