Friday, October 29, 2010

"Sick As A Dog, That's For Sure"

Teenagers have been drinking too much and getting sick as a result of it for as long as moon has been making shine. I did it, you did it, it's almost part of the college curriculum. And most of us by far learn a good lesson from it and temper our imbibing accordingly. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating it, just acknowledging that it's not unusual by any stretch of the imagination. Nothing to panic about.

Last weekend, nine dumbass students at the UW were taken to a hospital as a result of excessive drinking. A huge investigation took place and it was discovered that these kids had been pounding an energy drink/beer call Four Loco. Since then, every school official, politician, or general busybody has been on the stump hollering for the ban of such drinks. "Why, these drinks are like consuming four beers in one can!" Uh, excuse me Einstein, they're malt liquor. People drink the stuff to get drunk faster. Just ask the brothers on the stoop circa 1972. It's cheap. Ain't no secret. Where you been? Haven't you ever enjoyed the big-mouthed wonderfulness that is a Mickey's? Nine stupid young adults over indulge and you want to punish the nation. It was nine, not nine thousand people. The stuff isn't poison. It's legal to sell. You know, people have died from drinking too much water trying to win contests. Good thing you didn't ban H20, we'd all be de-hydrated and smelly to boot.

The point is...let it be. It's none of your business. All of these youngsters suffered the next morning and probably vowed to never drink again. Til next time anyway. And I'll bet that if there is a next time, it won't be Four Loco. And if it is and the same thing happens? Well, I'm a big believer in the natural order of the universe and God's ability to weed out the herd.

My son, who lives in San Diego and saw it on the news, commented that all this outcry has accomplished is what the owners of Four Loco never could. Make all of us aware it exists. You just know that every college dorm in the country is now stocking up just in case. And that in itself is stupid. Have any of you tried Four Loco? It taste like shit. It's gross. My brother-in-law once served up a concoction called an Ala Wai, named after a famous polluted waterway behind Waikiki. It instantly induced projectile vomiting. But even it tasted better than Quatro Crazy.

This crap will play it self out. Self important community leaders need not protect us from us. Back off assholes. What we need is a ban on politicians. That would immediately improve the world and probably make it less necessary for people to drink in the first place.

Now...what'd I do with my coffee & Kahlua?