Friday, August 13, 2010

Tie 'Em To The Car And Drag 'Em

I blame Bill Gates. Not because it's actually his fault, but someone has to be to blame for the rise of the machines. He's gotten rich enough to live in God's neighborhood by developing highly intelligent computers to be easy enough to be run by complete idiots.

And now they're calling me. On the phone.

It's been going on for a while. Every so often, we'd answer the phone at home to hear a recording telling us about some excited new deal. At first you'd listen just so you wouldn't miss something. That got old quick. *Click*. Then we started gettin' 'em where a recorded voice would actually ask you to hold for who ever was calling. Really? A f&$%#*! machine assuming I've got the time to wait for some minimum wage telemarketing hack to get finished torturing some other idiot who waited? *Click*. It got so we would hesitate before answering the phone. We eventually unplugged the house phone altogether.

But now they're calling the office. And it's not just once in a while. We're averaging three to four a day. This shit has to stop. I'm paying people to answer the phone. We don't have time to listen to robotic gibber gabber from sales outfits, most of whom are offering us their services to better manage our money. You could best save us money by not calling in the first place and wasting our payroll. So as far as we're concerned, any company offering anything, doesn't get a listen when they start with a machine.

There ought to be a law against this crap. But since we're against more laws in principle we won't advocate that. If everyone would just band together and hang up on a calling machine, companies would stop investing in them. But it may be too late. Most people have already given it up to the machine. Pass any crowd of people on the street. No one's talking to each other, they've all got their heads down in a soma like trance, thumbs-a-blazing, texting their inner most thoughts to the ether. It's so stupid. The phone companies have convinced our youth to go back a hundred years and basically use Morse Code. Hey gang! They've invented a telephone! You just talk into it, no typing or anything. It's so cool... it's retro! Geez.

We should know where this is heading. I am sure that Mr. G and his Micronerds are preparing for market another machine that will screen and reject these hated mechanical phone calls. A machine that we will be able to buy. Hurray for Bill. We're doomed.

'da Hui no ka oi